2010 in Review

Saturday, January 8, 2011

"May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in Him, so that you may overflow with hope, by the power of the Holy Spirit." Romans 15:13

Whew! What a year...and how fast the years are going, the older I get. I'm determined to start keeping up with this blog thing in 2011 since I am terrible at getting pictures out to our family. Everything else on here is probably me just talking too much again. "Student socializes too much"...was on every single report card, I ever received. My parents were so proud!

2010 (and really, the last several years) was an amazing year of just growing closer to Jesus and giving that darn thing called "control" over to Him again...and again. In September I had a vivid picture of myself arriving at the tomb where Jesus had been buried (you know 'Joanna' was there, right? Check out Luke 24:9!) and when I closed my eyes I saw Him standing there....alive! He was holding out His hand for me...I heard Him call my name and ask, "Will you trust me?"...no matter what...no conditions or 'what ifs' or giving only part of my heart to Him. Nope, He won't relent until He has it all! I know He's calling this little Tribe of Benjamin to absolutely step out any type of 'comfort' zone we've been living in and is calling us to something new. However, the Lord hasn't made it clear what exactly that is yet, but I can hardly wait to find out! We're at the point where we want anything but ordinary, standard, complacent...as long as we're walking with Jesus and following His lead through it all! All we can do is say, "yes," take His hand, and trust Him. And praise God, He left His Spirit to help us trust Him, because Jesus knows my flesh reaction is to crawl into my bed and hide under the covers! If it was up to me on my own, that's exactly what I would do probably most days! I love this quote from K.P. Yohannan, founder of Gospel for Asia:

"God is still looking for a minority of people who will seek His face with all their heart and do the work in His strength."

I personally believe God desires the MAJORITY of people for this, but still love K.P.'s quote! And I'll never forget what Pastor Les said one Sunday at church,

"You have to give Jesus your HEART, not just your mind."

THAT is what Jesus is calling me (and all of us!) to do. : )

Shortly after the Lord spoke to me in September my mom was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. The tears come, just writing that. It's awful, ugly, aggressive, painful, and I literally cannot imagine that anyone on the planet has walked such a path with such grace and peace as my mom has. I am sooooo proud of her and she will only give credit to her Savior. I am in awe of her solid faith as the cancer returned so quickly after what we thought was a successful surgery. She is currently enduring chemo along with daily pain.

My mom and I have laughed wondering why we didn't spend more time together the last few years and why do we put so many things off? Oh, that's right, it's because we we're so 'busy!' What is that? Is that an American thing we feel the need to be....busy? I've been able to spend more time with my mom in the last few months than I probably have in the last few years. What a gift to just be still, to be quiet, to talk, to sleep, to pray and to NOT be so busy. To enjoy the relationship with one another. Of course life can be busy, but my mom and I (who both tend to be 'Marthas' so much of the time) have been reminded of how important it is to also follow Mary's example to rest, sitting at the feet of Jesus, worshiping Him...learning from Him...listening to Him...talking with Him...growing in relationship with Him! I'm resting at His feet like never before and I have never had so much peace in my life! Because of His endless love, mercy and grace poured out over me on the cross and by just trusting in Him, I am truly filled with an "inexpressible and glorious joy" (1 Peter 1:9) despite a very heartbreaking season of life. Oh, and one more great quote; Pastor Rick said recently,

"You can be blessed in distress if you walk it out trusting Him."

There was a time when I would have wondered how someone could possibly be "blessed" in difficult times, but the Lord has shown us His loving kindness poured out over us so clearly in trials Ben and I have gone through, that I am simply in awe of the amazing ways He blessed us before, during, and after the storm passed. I believe my mom is truly experiencing this right now. Even amidst her pain and coping with her "new normal," she sees the blessings of the Lord in it, His love for her, and even cherishes His joy in her heart every day. She frequently reminds me that simply by looking back at her life, the Lord has always always been faithful and He won't stop now!

"Remember Your word to your servant, for You have given me hope. My comfort in my suffering is this; your promise preserves my life." Psalm 119:49-50
"Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for He who promised is faithful." Hebrews 10:23

The photo above shows three generations; my mom, Esther, and I at Auntie Sylvia's house for a family Christmas party. You would never know my mom was in an enormous amount of pain that night and was only able to stay for about an hour...still beautiful through it all!